The Ultimate Valentine’s Day Gift: Bupa Erectile Dysfunction Health Check’

In my line of work, when I’m not off duty and being totally awesome in my role as the Woman in Black, I have the great pleasure of dealing with PR officers on a daily basis.

Corporate PR is a difficult path to tread, especially if what you’re plugging is marginally less sexy than a sore-encrusted tramp screaming expletives and touching himself below the waist at a pre-school  nativity play.  

One cannot polish a turd.  And one cannot expect me to include the below in a Valentine’s Day gift guide, particularly when you mail me the details around three months after I’ve finished writing it. Because otherwise, if it’d have arrived in time, this would have been my TOP GIFT by a country mile.

It’s got the lot – humiliation, needles, invasive prodding and patronising ‘lifestyle’ advice from a total stranger. NOTHING says: ‘Happy Valentine’s Day!’ more than reminding your partner that he’s a complete and utter let-down in the sack.

“The Ultimate Valentine’s Gift  – From Her, For Him…For Her –  Bupa Erectile Dysfunction Health Check

If you already know that your Valentine’s Day will be a let down, Bupa, the health and care organisation, has the ideal gift for Britian’s 2.3million men affected by impotency – an erectile dysfunction health check.

The Bupa Erectile Dysfunction health check costs £199 and is available at any of the 45 Bupa Wellness Centres across the United Kingdom. The health check includes time with a doctor to explore the possible causes of erectile dysfunction complete with a blood test to check for a number of things including testosterone, glucose and prolactin levels.  The doctor will discuss any lifestyle advice, medical treatment or further referral. 

Dr Peter Mace, deputy medical director at Bupa Wellness, commented: “Erectile dysfunction is a common men’s health problem, affecting one in ten men at some stage in their life and should be nothing to be embarrassed about. The good news is, nearly all cases can be treated, which makes it even more important that those affected seek medical assistance, rather than worry about their problem on their own, or let it affect their relationship with their partner. This is something that matters not just on Valentine’s, but throughout the course of the year.”

An erection is for life, not just for Valentine’s Day.

What next, Bupa? Will you be suggesting we buy the lady in our lives an ovary check-up for Easter? Because I will so use that. My deadline passes in two weeks. Get your skates on.

PS I am not laughing at people with erectile dysfunction. I know this has never happened to you before. It’s OK. We can just kiss and cuddle, I don’t mind.


11 Responses to “The Ultimate Valentine’s Day Gift: Bupa Erectile Dysfunction Health Check’”

  1. February 13, 2009 at 7:04 pm

    Do you really have to pay almost $400 in Britain to figure out if your junk is broke? Don’t you have porn DVD’s or $25 hookers that could give you that answer? YOu guys sure do make things complicated.

  2. February 13, 2009 at 7:05 pm

    lol. u have that many people suffering from impotency despite all of your warnings plastered all over ciagarettes. i think that was my favorite part of britain. i always appreciate a blunt delivery.

  3. 3 brucehood
    February 13, 2009 at 8:31 pm

    Dear WIB, I hate to disagree with your wisdom, but you can polish a turd!


  4. February 13, 2009 at 10:40 pm

    Perhaps a slice of cheesecake alongside the Bupa Erectile Dysfunction Health Check would soften the blow? 😀

  5. 5 Ram Venkatararam
    February 14, 2009 at 3:31 pm

    Very funny post WIB. Thanks very much. What does BUPA stand for? “British University of Penile Academics?” I’m not familiar with their work (obviously).

    Happy Valentines Day WIB.

  6. February 14, 2009 at 6:42 pm

    Discovering that you can polish a turd has completely rewritten my Big Black Book of Things the Woman in Black Says. I’m off to strain the sewers.
    Happy Valentine’s Day to all you lovely people. Especially Bruce, Ram and Tannerleah. You’re first in my pecking order. And for pecking, read snogging.

  7. February 14, 2009 at 7:10 pm

    An erection is for life, not just for Valentine’s Day.

    for life ??? 😯

    That would raise a few eyebrows ! 😉

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