07
Mar
09

Hollowed out stools packed with cocaine? As in seating, or sample?

A drug smuggler arrested wearing a plaster cast made entirely of compressed cocaine at an airport called ‘El Prat’? You couldn’t make it up. And I haven’t.

The 66-year-old man, whose leg was genuinely broken, was carrying around 11 pounds of cocaine when he was detained by customs officials after arriving at the Barcelona airport from Santiago in Chile.

His luggage consisted of: the Class A cast, six beer cans and two hollowed out stools also packed with cocaine. As incognito travelling goes, you’d have to say that attempting to board a plane with a hunting knife as hand luggage might have aroused less suspicion.

Let me pause here for a moment. a compressed cocaine plaster cast. It’d sound like a Damien Hirst installation if it weren’t for the fact that the cast was genuinely worth something. Imagine if he had made it through customs – in certain circles he’d have been a quirky alternative to a chocolate fountain or an ice-sculpture. He could have sat in the middle of a function waiting for people to chip a line off his leg.

Sadly, the man’s master plan – to pass through customs with no-one batting an eyelid at his beer and hollowed out stools (I’ve just had a terrible thought. Are the stools in question a form of seating, or something altogether more sinister?) – fell at the first hurdle.

For a start, everyone knows that if you have a plaster cast, it’s a legal requirement to allow your nearest and dearest to scrawl desperately witty and urbane one-liners all over it like: ‘I told you not to get plastered!’ and ‘break a leg!’

That broken leg scam was a great success. Heres your next outfit.

That broken leg scam was a great success. Here's your next outfit.

The drug smuggler’s cast was completely unsullied and as white as snow, which – fact fans – is a ‘street’ term for cocaine. I am here to entertain AND educate.

Presumably it’s as difficult to get ink out of cocaine as it is to get it off a school shirt and without recourse to the whitening benefit of Vanish Oxi Action Powder (although when it comes to cutting the cocaine to eke it out a bit, perhaps the Oxi Action could come into its own).

When taken into custody, a medical examination revealed that the man was suffering from an open fracture of the tibia and the fibula and needed an urgent operation. Now that’s what I call method acting.

The man is now in custody. The stools are in a nice nick-nack shop in Barcelona.

* Apologies for my absence. It’s been a gigantic fucker of a week (sorry for the lack of asterisks, Tannerleah). All love appreciated.

Advertisements

16 Responses to “Hollowed out stools packed with cocaine? As in seating, or sample?”


  1. 1 Ram Venkatararam
    March 7, 2009 at 10:01 pm

    Perhaps using cocaine as a cast on a broken leg has the same effect as rubbing it on your gums. Could be that he was just looking for a way to numb the pain.

  2. March 8, 2009 at 2:09 am

    That’s actually a fantastic idea – the cocaine cast. But, he really should’ve stopped there, and not pushed it with the stools and beer cans. Now you’re just being carelessly brash. I wonder what hairy, sweaty-legged cocaine even tastes like.
    Makes you think twice about where that cocaine you just snorted got stashed, eh?

  3. March 8, 2009 at 4:07 am

    Good god, if I’m still smuggling drugs when I’m 66 years of age, someone please just shoot me!

  4. March 8, 2009 at 9:10 am

    I’ve had a crap at El Prat airport. I hope they weren’t my stools that he was using

  5. 5 brucehood
    March 8, 2009 at 12:35 pm

    Welcome Back WIB… Yes I wondered if the analgesic effects of cocaine rubbing on his leg would have made him walk a bit odd. Maybe even “dead leg?”

  6. March 8, 2009 at 3:00 pm

    Ah…all is right with the world again. WIB is back!****

    I think this is a brilliant idea! Of course, I would have used a plaster cast of my thingy so I could get a bunch more cocaine in it. An arm or leg is good but the “butter maker” is better. (Isn’t that what you once called it?)

    Did I ever tell you the story of how Jimi Hendrix and I used to “meat fight”. Those were the days…

  7. March 8, 2009 at 3:56 pm

    Ah…all is right with the world again. WIB is back!****

    I think this is a brilliant idea! Of course, I would have used a plaster cast of my thingy so I could get a bunch more cocaine in it. An arm or leg is good but the “butter maker” is better. (Isn’t that what you once called it?)

    Did I ever tell you the story of how Jimi Hendrix and I used to “meat fight”. Those were the days…
    Ooops, wanted have added great post! Waiting on your next one!

  8. March 8, 2009 at 4:14 pm

    When I read “stools” I thought what an ingenious idea. No one will touch that. Then I read further and see it could mean the kind you sit on. Who needs two of those anyway?

  9. March 8, 2009 at 4:33 pm

    Hey!!! Someone is impersonating Tannerleah! Do you actually think I would sell luggage on a website for a living? Sex tools, yes. Luggage, never!!!

    WIB – please abolish this hoodlum!

  10. March 8, 2009 at 4:41 pm

    God, TL, that was frightening, wasn’t it?
    I am so thick that I obviously saw your comment and approved it, while thinking that I shouldn’t need to because you have, as you know, full license to rant uncensored on here. Although NO ONE gave you full license to be so damn sexy, no one but the Lord himself. Or whoever.
    I was going to question the luggage. Then I realised what great bargains you were offering. A wheeled suitcase for $99? Oh yeah. I’ll have me some of that.
    PS Admit it, you sell luggage. Like a low down luggage seller.

  11. March 8, 2009 at 8:10 pm

    Dammit WIB…I am caught and convicted. I will knock that price down to $89 if you stop being lost to Twitter for months at a time.

    And yes, I am a low down, dirty, nasty, luggage seller. Only you could make that sound so sexy. If Ram had said it, I would feel like hell and be arrested for vagrancy.

    Come buy luggage now!!! Everything must go!!! ( Just thought I would save the imposter some time).

  12. 12 poietes
    March 8, 2009 at 9:20 pm

    Is it a reflection that I’ve been on Bruce’s site for too long that when I read “stools,” I did not think of the little chairs that one can sit upon but rather thought of bodily functions and began to wonder, “how do you hollow out your stools?”???

  13. March 9, 2009 at 10:12 am

    100% all cocaine prosthetic limbs is all the rage these days, what was this guy thinking.

  14. March 9, 2009 at 12:11 pm

    Either way a ‘stool’ is a properly suspicious item to be hauling around. I too feel a little sad he didn’t make it. It’s always nice when a meticulously thought out plan come together.

  15. March 9, 2009 at 1:21 pm

    (blogsurfing)
    Don’t get high on your own stoolply.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Add to Technorati Favorites
    follow me on Twitter

    %d bloggers like this: