In these dark times of recession and gloom, we need carrots more than ever (literally, if we are to believe our grandmother’s claim that they help us see in the dark).
Like an orange beacon of hope shining in a sea of misery and mire, the carrot stands for all that is good and honest in the world. I only wish I liked the bloody things, but they turn my stomach every time I force the kids to eat them at gunpoint. Still, in the spirit of bringing light into the darkness, and as it is National Carrot Day today, I thought we could celebrate the world’s second favourite root vegetable together.
Yes, I know they’re not as good as potatoes – let’s get it out there before anyone else does. But answer me this: can potatoes turn your urine orange? No, they cannot. Are potatoes the national vegetable of the Dutch Royal family? No. Did the Anglo-Saxons use potatoes as a medicinal drink to ward off the devil? No (and they wouldn’t have even if they had access to a time machine because potatoes are notoriously redundant in the battle between good and evil).
Below are some of my favourite carrots. One is a picture of a carrot I OWN! There is a carrot-based prize for whoever can identify the Womaninblack’s personal carrot:
1) DID YOU KNOW? The Greek soldiers who hid in the Trojan Horse ate plenty of raw carrots to give themselves constipation.
2) DID YOU KNOW? Scientists are working on bio-fuel made from carrots. It would take 6,000 carrots to drive for a mile – a pack of around 12 carrots costs me about 50p and I generally drive around 10 miles a week, so that makes my weekly fuel budget a wallet-friendly £2,500. Thanks, carrots!
3) DID YOU KNOW? Carrot vibrators are actually not made of real carrot, but rather a polymer substance called ‘IntimateSkin’. This version has a light up tip, which is useful AND reflects the natural qualities of a carrot, which are famous for helping you see in the dark.
4) DID YOU KNOW? Dream dictionaries, recognised by scientists as being 100 per cent factually accurate, state that if you dream of a young woman eating carrots, you will enjoy an early marriage and give birth to lots of children. EVEN IF YOU ARE AN OLD MAN! Fact.
5) DID YOU KNOW? The Celts used to refer to carrots as “the honey underground”. This is where the myth began that carrot cake was anything other than a dreadful idea cloaked in cream cheese icing.
6) DID YOU KNOW? More than 139 per cent of British schoolchildren think that carrots grow on trees.
7) DID YOU KNOW? Name dictionaries, which are only three per cent less reliable than dream dictionaries, reveal that if your surname is Carrot, you will find your greatest joy expressing yourself creatively and not being held back by The Man and His Rules.
8) DID YOU KNOW? The world’s longest carrot was grown in 2007 and was a veg-tastic 5.839 metres long. It would have powered a bio-fuel car for around 249 metres.
9) DID YOU KNOW? In the 1870s, Iranian men used to drink carrots stewed in sugar to increase the quality and quantity of their sperm. This may, or may not be behind the legend of the ‘night vision prostitutes’ in Iran at around the same time in history.
So – did you spot my carrot? Do you have a carrot-related story to share? Do tell.
*** THIS POST HAS BEEN SPONSORED BY THE BRITISH CARROT GROWER’S ASSOCIATION ‘ We’re rooting for you!’ ***