29
Dec
08

The best things in life aren’t free. Unless your expectations are really, really low

It’s often said that the best things in life are free.

This is all very well, but in my experience, some of the best things in life are really bloody expensive and some of the free things in life are really, really shit. You have to put these things into context: a fantastic sunset on a winter’s evening may be beautiful if you’re watching it from the patio doors of your second home on the North Norfolk coast, but slightly less magical if you’re seeing it from your piss-soaked sleeping bag on the 10th floor of a multi-storey car park where you’ve bedded down for the night. Although that’s not to say that the homeless can’t appreciate a good sunset – God knows I don’t want to offend any of that lot, especially the ones with past convictions for violence.

Here are 10 things which are really good which aren’t free:

1)    Houses
2)    Cars
3)    Trinkets
4)    Baubles
5)    High maintenance younger partners
6)    Anti-ageing products
7)    Holidays
8)    A second car
9)    A second house
10)    Flights into space on Virgin Galactic

And here are 10 things that are really good that ARE free:

1)    A smile from one of your loving children
2)    A thank-you from one of your loving children. Even once would be nice
3)    A compliment from a stranger (preferably before they kidnap you and lock you in the boot of their car)
4)    Nose-picking
5)    Spot squeezing
6)    Indulging in a spot of character assassination with a really bitter friend
7)    Having a wee when you’ve had to hold on for ages
8)    Watching a teenager fall over in the street
9)    Thinking up a really great new insult
10)    Coming out of Waitrose and realising that there are several items that have fallen under your Bags for Life that you didn’t pay for. Not that I am condoning theft, or anything.

Being skinter will undoubtedly make me a better person. I will think more about the money I spend, waste less and save for the things I really want. Do I want to be a better person, though, or would I rather just be a worse person that can still afford Clinique Moisture Surge?

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1 Response to “The best things in life aren’t free. Unless your expectations are really, really low”


  1. 1 Ram Venkatararam
    February 2, 2009 at 11:48 pm

    Watching a teenager fall over in the street should really be number 1. Followed closely by “pushing a teenager over in the street.”


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